Moving and Embracing Ambiguity

The Ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus is known for his doctrine of change being central to the universe. We’ve heard the reference ‘change is the only constant in the universe’ used as an antidote whilst we grapple with the state of uncertainty that is always there, even as we do our darndest to sure up the dyke.

Risk Uncertainty

I’ve been contemplating change and how it sparks fear into motion and its charming cousin doubt. When they start popping up with something to say, I am moving forward towards the new. This has happened recently because we are on the move. We’ve decided to sell up (our house sold in a speedy 3 weeks) forcing our decision making cogs into action. That was what we hoped it would do because ever since returning from Cambodia 2 years ago (!), we’ve wanted to move on to a new chapter…we just didn’t know where or how.

So nothing like a deadline to force your hand. And it is deliciously exciting whilst being paradoxically terrifying. We’ve got to make choices. Life zooms by and I’ve had a little dream worm inside my brain for-like-ever. I’ve wanted to live on a few acres surrounded by green hills, ever since I left Armidale (a country town) as a youngster after my parent’s divorce. I went on to study agricultural economics at uni, cos I wanted to get a job in the country (this never happened). Life has taken me around the block spending the last decade here by the sunny beaches of Umina. I wouldn’t change a thing. But that little wormy hasn’t left me, it’s like an itch needing to be scratched.

So we are going to pack up move north across the border to Maleny, Queensland. With its green fields (tick) and progressive community (so we’ve heard) it has a positive vibe. No concrete jobs as yet, I’m putting it out ‘there’ and we’re a resourceful lot. We are leaving our families and that’s daunting, especially the ease and familiarity of grandparental support and understanding. But even so we want to broaden our opportunities and with land affordably within reach, off we go pioneering, picks in hand.

morning_mist

Morning mist with view of Glasshouse Mountains (source: maleny.qld.au)

As a recovering idealist, I’m sure my dreams will be sepia to their imagined rose colour. But that’s ok and I am prepared for them to develop in real time now, rather than daydream. That whatever happens, there are pros/cons to all decisions made, but ultimately it’s about a life well lived. And I am pinching myself with gratitude that we will be actually living here by next month.

Quinn, our eldest has shed some tears and boy, does that pull on our heartstrings. Tim and I hear him out, his frustrations at moving schools and starting new friendships again. I hope he finds some gorgeous friends like the crew at his last school. I promised him he could have a Survivor Sleepover as a send off. 6 mates: 4 boys and 2 girls housed by in tents by the creek, trying to open crappy baked bean cans for tea. Thankfully it’s a total fire ban so one less hazard.

Sometimes a door opens enough that we glimpse a desired opportunity, and then comes the hard step of walking through the threshold with your fear in hand, because the idea of not going would be sacrilege (an insult to the universe or in psycho-speak a self sabotage saga). I imagine myself doomed to live with a metallic ‘what if’ taste lingering in my mouth….into possible eternity.

So ‘f#$k it, Amy carpe diem’ I say courageously and take my jelly legs off to bed, exhausted from another day packing boxes and overthinking.

if-youre-feeling-frightened-about-what-comes-next-dont-be-3907498

With that wishing you all the magic, trust and growth for a compelling and contented year ahead.

 

3 thoughts on “Moving and Embracing Ambiguity

  1. How fabulous! Maleny is a super powerful healing place (especially for women) and an amazing environment to clear energy and start afresh. I moved there, alone with Sam when he was a tiny baby, without knowing a single person. It was the best move I ever made. Acreage with rainforest and a creek – does it get any better? The friends I made there are lifelong. And both the school (public and the River School http://www.amriverschool.org/ ) are wonderful. I can’t wait to hear more about this next phase in your life. And will have to come and say hello next time I’m in Qld xx

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    • Hi Nat, wow this is great to know and hear from your experience. We too, don’t know anyone apart from one new friend of Tim’s. We’ve both visited for 3 days separately and decided we’ve got to try it. The boys will start at the River School too. Quinn may have to redo year 3 because no spots avail in year 4 at the moment. But we feel that it’s worth a go, and sort itself out. Please come and visit! Renting in town (a rainforest house with a claw foot bath with hot water (!) connected in the garden) for six months to try it out. Happy new year darling! xxx

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  2. Hi dear Amy,

    Is this reply to your blog for your eyes only? Usually I email you directly but I was so moved by this second last one that I will give it a go this way.

    Magic, trust and growth are qualities to which we can all aspire and incorporate into our lives. The end quote was a great one I thought. For me also, this year the first in 50 years not working as a physio, it has relevance. Many choices and opportunities lie ahead which is exciting. Unlike you, they will be made from the familiarity of suburban Chatswood, our home for nearly 44 years!!! Once I was really keen to travel to work in less developed countries, then to indigenous Australia and now, maybe, a lot closer to home! Where has my intrepid adventurous self gone? I feel Stephen needs me now, perhaps more than ever, as he enters the later years of working, being busier than he had hoped and feeling the need to put as much away to support us in these upcoming years. Naturally he still thinks he is as young as ever but I know otherwise and the long days and the stress are more challenging now. We have both benefitted from as many days up the coast as possible this last few weeks, looking tanned and feeling rested. Now husband is struggling to get motivated! I looked after Sophie’s girls in Canberra the first week of her new job as Code of Conduct Officer with ACFID, Aust. Council for International Development. Her workplace is so much more relaxed, nice people and with plenty to do also. I hope it works out for her. Also took Eden and Sylvie to Alladin and visited Hugo in his new digs. So, much family, friends and sun in January. Now February is here and the weeks are free. I am spending time planning our trip to Cuba in 2 months after Mexico on a tour. We will be away for 5 weeks. So long since we have been abroad. Should brush up on my primitive Spanish I guess.

    Oh well, enough of me. Is your world sepia? Maybe even a bit rosy or verdant from the idyllic photos you sent of the forest and waterhole so close to the house and school. It certainly looks like paradise to me! Although the boys seem a bit unsure on their first day at school, that expression surely will change. A bit like your mixed anxiety and excitement. How are you feeling now the move has been made? Hopefully, the excitement and stimulation of new things outweigh any doubt. With such a magical misty view of the Glasshouse Mountains, you could dream and write all day…

    I am coming up to stay with Lyn Colmer’s Mum, who is 90 something, living on the Gold Coast for a 70th birthday celebration [ the last! ] with my oldest friends, Lyn and Narelle. Lyn is still in Dorrigo and Narelle north of Brisbane somewhere. This time not to see you but in the future maybe. So, in the meantime, I send you my love, dear niece and wish you all well in mellifluous Melaney. From the city south, only a short flight away, Fairy godmother.

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