The Ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus is known for his doctrine of change being central to the universe. We’ve heard the reference ‘change is the only constant in the universe’ used as an antidote whilst we grapple with the state of uncertainty that is always there, even as we do our darndest to sure up the dyke.
I’ve been contemplating change and how it sparks fear into motion and its charming cousin doubt. When they start popping up with something to say, I am moving forward towards the new. This has happened recently because we are on the move. We’ve decided to sell up (our house sold in a speedy 3 weeks) forcing our decision making cogs into action. That was what we hoped it would do because ever since returning from Cambodia 2 years ago (!), we’ve wanted to move on to a new chapter…we just didn’t know where or how.
So nothing like a deadline to force your hand. And it is deliciously exciting whilst being paradoxically terrifying. We’ve got to make choices. Life zooms by and I’ve had a little dream worm inside my brain for-like-ever. I’ve wanted to live on a few acres surrounded by green hills, ever since I left Armidale (a country town) as a youngster after my parent’s divorce. I went on to study agricultural economics at uni, cos I wanted to get a job in the country (this never happened). Life has taken me around the block spending the last decade here by the sunny beaches of Umina. I wouldn’t change a thing. But that little wormy hasn’t left me, it’s like an itch needing to be scratched.
So we are going to pack up move north across the border to Maleny, Queensland. With its green fields (tick) and progressive community (so we’ve heard) it has a positive vibe. No concrete jobs as yet, I’m putting it out ‘there’ and we’re a resourceful lot. We are leaving our families and that’s daunting, especially the ease and familiarity of grandparental support and understanding. But even so we want to broaden our opportunities and with land affordably within reach, off we go pioneering, picks in hand.
As a recovering idealist, I’m sure my dreams will be sepia to their imagined rose colour. But that’s ok and I am prepared for them to develop in real time now, rather than daydream. That whatever happens, there are pros/cons to all decisions made, but ultimately it’s about a life well lived. And I am pinching myself with gratitude that we will be actually living here by next month.
Quinn, our eldest has shed some tears and boy, does that pull on our heartstrings. Tim and I hear him out, his frustrations at moving schools and starting new friendships again. I hope he finds some gorgeous friends like the crew at his last school. I promised him he could have a Survivor Sleepover as a send off. 6 mates: 4 boys and 2 girls housed by in tents by the creek, trying to open crappy baked bean cans for tea. Thankfully it’s a total fire ban so one less hazard.
Sometimes a door opens enough that we glimpse a desired opportunity, and then comes the hard step of walking through the threshold with your fear in hand, because the idea of not going would be sacrilege (an insult to the universe or in psycho-speak a self sabotage saga). I imagine myself doomed to live with a metallic ‘what if’ taste lingering in my mouth….into possible eternity.
So ‘f#$k it, Amy carpe diem’ I say courageously and take my jelly legs off to bed, exhausted from another day packing boxes and overthinking.
With that wishing you all the magic, trust and growth for a compelling and contented year ahead.